Do you have one recurring fight with your partner? In nine years of marriage we have definitely had our share. Sometimes it’s a big deal fight and other times it’s a stupid fight that keeps coming back (wouldn’t you think we’d just solve it the first time? Ha! That would be too easy). Well, we have one of those pesky problems and I’m not gonna lie — it’s about a toaster. No joke A TOASTER. I’m pretty sure the toaster symbolizes something, I’m just not sure what. This fight either makes us really cool or really stupid and I’m 99% sure it’s the latter. Unfortunately we are at a standoff with this one, each of us thinks the other person is wrong, insert frustration (till we forget about it and allow the fight to come up again). We both genuinely feel a certain way, making it difficult to understand the other person’s view point. Did I mention this is about a stupid ass toaster? I know.
So this is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna declare my husband as the winner. I WAS WRONG. Here’s why. I have a great husband, he cleans, watches the kids and adores me. Rarely is there anything that he complains about or asks from me. I am lucky to have a partner that would do anything for me any day of the week. So thank you Andrew, you truly are the best.
My post about mothering and recent Mother’s Day events have made me think of my own mother a lot. I recently posted a photo of her on facebook of when she was in the Navy to show her strength and beauty in such a difficult time, an amazing woman. Truthfully, I don’t know much about that woman. The woman above, this is the one I know –surrounded by her kids, exhausted, overwhelmed, and kindhearted. I have unending respect for her. She fought for us kids when we were little and really needed protection. That is the ultimate gift she gave us kids.
But, the question that has banged and screamed in my head for years is, don’t we give them more? At best yes, we give them more than protection. We give them friendship, leadership, information, an example (and love, duh). At least that’s what I am trying to do. Sometimes it’s hard to muddle through this process though. I/we bring fears, worries and concerns to parenting. I have confessed here to worrying about stupid things like doing crafts with my kids — things that do and don’t matter. It makes it hard to separate what is important? What will they remember? What is harmful? What is necessary?
Maybe that is why I feel at such a loss sometimes. I am literally making it up as I go (are we all?). My mother’s example was good in a lot of ways, particularly perseverance and preservation, but it lacked in so many ways. We fought all the way through high school and into college, sorta missing out on any bond or relationship. Truly she was probably incapable of a real relationship with me or any of my siblings. About the time I went to college she shut down emotionally, essentially closing the door to her.
I am older now and I can look at my mom’s life objectively and see the why. I can have empathy for that, and I can laugh at our short and infrequent phone conversations (seriously less than 2 minutes!). I can acknowledge that I she loves me and she does that in her way. I can do something more though, and that is what I am after. I can be the mother that I want to be, the one that my kids need. I can try to finish the example that my mother started but was unable to finish. So when Andy said to me that he likes the new “running katherine” because I am stronger, more confident and driven –that pleased me endlessly. It is pleasing personally no doubt, but also it matters for my kids. I want to show them strength and determination, that they can change and be whatever they desire, that it is important to take care of yourself and to surround yourself with love and friendship. That ultimately it is all of these things balancing together that fill us up and keep us going.
Photo circa 1985 ish.
Hello me on a step stool with a cabbage patch shirt! Hello adorable stripey dress worn by my mother! (That is unless it was a pantsuit, not as adorable, but bonus points for stripes.)
April has been very good to us. We bought a new car (wee!), took a weekend trip to Spokane and then celebrated Andy’s 30th birthday. He was hoping to drown his sorrows in, ahem, fun. We totally accomplished that, minus the dinner that occurred on his actual birthday. Here’s a tip. Don’t plan to go to a place with good food, e.g. Ken’s Artisan Pizza, with your two kids -it won’t be fun. There WILL be whining and it may cause a fight about how you have ruined someone’s birthday.
Well, we moved on from that experience. On the positive side we saw three concerts, ate good food, and spent the weekend away from the kids in Seattle. We rented a house on the water, a charming little thing in Port Orchard with great views of the Sound and downtown. The weather was amazing! No rain, sunshine and clear skies –we totally lucked out. I guess we were having way too much fun to even take pictures so this is all we have. We are so thankful for our amazing friends and family, for those that traveled to come to the party and the grandparents that watched our kids the whole weekend. We are incredibly lucky to know so many wonderful people.
Right now Andy is putting the kids to bed and I am sitting here enjoying the silence, or almost silence. I can actually hear them yelling and whining in the background, but I am pretending it is silence. Have the kids whined less today? Ha! I think they have been extra whiney today, but I don’t care. I wouldn’t be celebrating this day without them –they are what gives me the ability to say, I am a mother.
Andy took me to lunch and shopping yesterday which was a nice surprise outing sans kids. Then today I did exactly what I wanted. I ran a half marathon and fulfilled my desire to run under 2 hours. We had a beer at Rogue and then ate some ice cream with my brother and his family. I love these kids and I love being a mom, most days. Not only do I love being a mom, I loving being an individual — celebrating myself, my achievements and allowing myself to soak up life. Sometimes I curse the responsibility of motherhood, the constant needs and errands to be run — it is exhausting. BUT, it also makes me strong. I am balanced, organized, efficient, and more driven since becoming a mother. So thank you Adalyn and Owen for being everything to me, for pushing me to be bettter, stronger and more loving. I love you so very much and this day has been perfect.
We made a quick trip up to Spokane to celebrate a friend’s birthday and see family (Brad was down from Alaska!) for the Easter weekend. We seemed to make it for the first sunny day in long time, the kids got some serious candy filled eggs at a park in Browne’s Addition, we had coffee at Atticus and met our kids’ future soul mates, and then headed downtown to the Earth Day celebration. It was a very fast two days, but we had such a great time. We love our family.
I made a quart of creme fraiche, which is the best decision I have ever made. For some reason though I haven’t felt much like dessert (don’t be too impressed, I eat chocolate with peanut butter every night), so I was on the lookout for ways to use my sweet and tangy friend. I used Deb’s influence for making my own creme fraiche, but next time I would heat it up to room temperature before letting it sit. Here’s how I used it. First it was spooned over a spinach ricotta cannelloni, recipe courtesy of Jamie Oliver, then I topped in on my poached egg and english muffin. With the lovely recommendation from my friend Jenene I made a beef stroganoff that was amazing, I even asked Andy if I could lick my plate (I was totally serious and I did). I put a small scoop on my vegetable and rice stir fry, and a scoop on my granola. Then tonight, oh tonight. It all culminated with pancetta wrapped asparagus, a dollop of creme fraiche and some chopped chives. I don’t think there are many things more refreshing and satisfying than a good meal. I even have a half a cup remaining!
Lately I have been reading Angela’s Ashes, or should I say trying to read it. I have finally hooked in to the story, it only took me half of the novel. It took weeks of attempting, and I was quite close to calling it quits, but I’m so glad I didn’t. Sitting down reading the other night I was able to focus and absorb the story, that and a cup of tea, a crisp apple and an egg bacon sandwich. At many points in this memoir the author describes his physical longing for food daydreaming about a single egg and how he would eat it. I can eat apples, drink endless amounts of tea and never have to go hungry. My children will never know this type of suffering. It wasn’t just the food, but throughout the book you struggle to understand his father, a drunk who does not provide for his family. I read this passage and loved it,
“I think my father is like the Holy Trinity with three people in him, the one in the morning with the paper, the one at night with the stories and prayers, and then the one who does the bad thing and comes home with the smell of whiskey and wants to die for Ireland. I feel sad over the bad thing but I can’t back away from him because the one in the morning is my real father and if I were in America I could say, I love you, Dad…” (by Frank McCourt, Angela’s Ashes)
Life is gray (not grey, miss Erin McCoy). People are conflicted and do things you wish they wouldn’t. As a teenager I thought life was so clear cut, but that seems so silly now. I have moments in my life where things are transparently clear, the right thing is beckoning, but these are isolated events. For the most part, I see the bleeding between the lines. I so appreciate authors who are able to capture that thought and write it so plainly and thoughtfully. I hope you enjoy.
