My Name is Wakefield.

my attempt

katherine — Sun, 20 May 2012 06:04:09 +0000

I haven’t taken a picture or uploaded one to my computer since last year. I have 2,388 photos on my phone (seriously!) that are the sole history of my kids last year in photos. I’m perpetually behind on laundry, bills and maintaining my house and cars. I know none of this matters, I know that. But this is why I don’t write. For the last 3 months I have been dealing with back pain and other ailments that have me feeling down and frustrated. See, my life’s not perfect. I read enough blogs that are sickeningly perfect and it bugs the shit out of me. I never wanted to be one of those, it’s just hard to know how to be honest and also be private.

The good thing about struggling, you learn a lot about yourself. Things like, it’s probably a bad idea to run another half marathon when your back is hurting. Funny thing that running doesn’t fix back pain. Shocking really. Also, writing, thinking and reflecting are good for the soul. Oh and here’s a good one. Eating wholesome food, getting enough sleep and drinking less alcohol really do make you feel better. I know! What I am trying to say is, I’m learning. I’m taking more time for myself and my wellness and it feels right.

I love this space. I miss it, but I am not sure what to write or how to write it. This photo of the sculpture park makes me feel so peaceful. I need to remember this in the hard times. There is peace, and there is hope and beauty all around me.

On Dogs

katherine — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 07:20:26 +0000

It’s March 4th you know, and I sort of want a dog. Did I mention that currently I am eating an entire bag of popcorn and a king size kit kat. I think this is a good thing, but I also think that it’s a very bad thing too. Either way. If you know me, which you do, you know that I don’t care for dogs much. I was raised in a strict cat household, so I learned that animals should stare at you with a slight look of disdain and contempt (maybe our cat was just mad that we didn’t name her. See I am a horrible pet owner, it’s genetic.) Back to the dogs. Really I kinda almost hate them (gasp!). The hair, the sniffing, the poop picking up, all of it. Obviously I was bit by a dog as a child, a great dane to boot. Nobody told me, on my 7th birthday, that you aren’t supposed to pet dogs while they eat. Where is the dog rule book?? I kinda like this idea of biting. Next time I’m eating and someone interrupts me I will just bite them. Sorry Addy and Owen, mama needs to eat. Chomp Chomp. I’ve never been one to like sharing food anyway. In some ways I can empathize with the dane. I would have done the same thing she did.

So WHY would I want a dog? I really have no idea.

But I do! Every run I go on, I think and sigh, “wouldn’t it be grand to be running with my dog?” I actually don’t use the word grand though. Then there’s the crumbs. My god the crumbs! Just imagine how much less sweeping I would do. We could cuddle up on the couch together, except he would never be allowed on the couch. See I’m crazy. Maybe its like a reverse baby fever. I know that I don’t want to have baby fever, so instead I have dog fever? Or maybe I just want one more thing to get pissed at, which even as I type that I am horrified at the small truth. Either way, I need help. Serious help. Or maybe I just need a dog. Or a therapist. OR a dog that is a therapist. Now we’re talking.

A couple questions.

How is it possible that I can eat an entire bag of popcorn so fast?

Why is the kit kat so good?

How is it that I cry at every episode of Parenthood?

Get back to me if you figure out any of these questions. Just follow the popcorn kernels to find me.

I may as well post this?

katherine — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 19:45:08 +0000

I wrote this two months ago and apparently forgot to publish. Figures.

Where does one start when one has taken months off from a blog? Well, I think that one would, first, stop talking in the first person, and then just simply, write. I’m ringing in the New Year by harboring an annoyingly clingy cold that is forcing me to sleep 14 hours a day and consume lots of green smoothies, without much effect. So now, I reside on the couch, hot toddy in hand and nibbling a pink cookie that I think was left by our recent houseguests (thanks Robinsons!).

I’m not really sure what to think of the new year. Except for, STOP doing that time. Just stop it right now. It can NOT be 2o12. I thought about doing a resolutions/look back post but honestly, I don’t have it in me. This month alone has been a whirlwind. Don’t even get me started on the last six months. This month alone, we spent 10 days in phoenix for my sisters wedding and then went straight to spokane for christmas. So now I am just plain tired.

But, it is a new year and with that I have hopes and plans. I think the hard part of life and working full time is just dealing with the sameness of life. Day in and day out things are relatively the same. SO this year I want to find the small joys and find inspiration where I wouldn’t normally.

Here’s where you will find me this year: You will find me running half marathons, reading good books and eating good food. Maybe I will do something interesting, maybe something new or unexpected, but its ok if I don’t.

it’s a pumpkin eat pumpkin world

katherine — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 21:42:34 +0000

So hey there! I’m alive! The thing about blogging is, it’s really easy to blog when life is going well and things are smooth and easy, but it’s tough as shit to do it when things aren’t as great. We’ve been back nearly 3 months now, but it feels like 6. Don’t get me wrong, we are LOVING being back. Totally loving it. We’ve even managed to get babysitters and get out fairly regularly. Score for Team Wakefield. But man, this working two jobs and balancing kids/social life/married life stuff is really hard. I’m grateful for the “extra” money that we haven’t even been paid yet, because helloooo teachers’ get paid once a month — at the end of the month. BOO (says the pumpkin too).

I guess what I’m saying is, we are all a little bit worn out. We just have to get used to our lives going in all sorts of directions and demanding a lot of us. And somehow we still have to love each other through that, which is easier said than done. One of my friends was saying the other night that her family doesn’t have “to do” lists on their fridge. All it says is “SURVIVE”. I think that about sums things up for me. Pull the weeds in the back yard? Survive. Fix the broken tile on the wall? Survive. Repaint our house? SURVIVE. But really that’s not all we have to do. We also have to pay our bills and remember the permission slips, the homework needs to get done and we actually need to send our kid to school every day WITH a lunch. Did I mention that I forgot to pay my car insurance for three months? Yep, moving is awesome. Did I also mention that our sewer bill wasn’t forwarding to our Portland address? Let’s just move again, now that will solve everything.

While it’s easy to complain about all the little things that are sucking the life out of us, I need to focus on the good stuff. Like good friends who will watch our kids in a pinch. THANK YOU. We have a safe home and car to drive, fabulous friends and good jobs to earn money. Often in life I find myself saying, “things will get better” or “it will all work out someday.” Someday I will take that vacation or do the things I am unable to do right now. But the hard reality is that it might not get better (I’m so uplifting!). Maybe I will take the vacation but who the hell knows what life will bring us even five minutes from now? So instead I am trying to find the silver lining now, the best in the current times. Are you with me? Then I read this and cried. There’s that too.

katherine — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 04:50:25 +0000

Blueberries

katherine — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 23:51:19 +0000

I’ve been missing writing here, but I also haven’t. I love what goes down here, when I am able, but sometime you just gotta LIVE life. You know what I mean? The recording is great, but it doesn’t make the experience any more valuable. So instead of writing I’ve been working, playing, boating and soaking up the precious hours of sunshine. We blueberry picked today and my dusty feet are so so happy.

Goodbye Portland

katherine — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 07:03:30 +0000

Five days, 16+ hours of yard work, 72 hours of packing and cleaning and NOW we are officially done. The house is clean and barren, our landlord miraculously came by to do a final walk through (don’t even get me started), and our kids are waiting for us in Seattle happily swimming in a hotel pool. Today we packed our moving truck and said our final goodbye to the little house in Portland. I feel emotional today – probably, or definitely, due to exhaustion. I have loved this city, the amazing food, our little house and the quiet life it afforded. We made a great deal of memories here, yet it feels sort of like a dream. I think that is the worst part, that this year may not feel real after a while. So in an effort to remember and preserve, here are a few of my favorite memories from this year.

August — September — October — November – December — January – February — March — April — May — June – July

Is this the way to find the answers?

katherine — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 06:03:46 +0000

I love having a daughter, she is so much fun to be around — she’s kooky, silly and totally lovable. I would definitely say there isn’t much difference between my parenting style with A or O, I tend to treat them both the same. They play dress up in the same clothes, we paint our fingernails bright pink; I seldom restrict certain activities to boys or girls. My philosophy is that they will draw their own distinctions about gender at some point, and I don’t want to be an early influence on specific gender roles (I think PBS kids has got that cornered for them at this point). ANYWAY, the reason I’m writing: I read a Babble article a couple weeks, err months, ago that made me pause. The whole article was about how we treat little girls and what that impact has on their body image, etc. She said her gut instinct when she meets a new little girl is to comment on the cuteness of her appearance by saying, “look how cute you are!” Which I totally related to! Because kids are adorable! Little girls are awesome! But it made me rethink things a bit. What is the image I give to Addy or to all girls I meet? I think it’s a good one, overall, but I can always evaluate things a bit. You know, make sure my messages to her are about being smart, confident, driven and beautiful. Particularly now that she is at an age where everything is about dresses, bracelets and “looking pretty”. I want my words to help her understand the complexity of beauty; so that by praising her reading skills or her thoughts, or discussing her interests, she will understand the deeper side of life, eventually. It’s never too early, right?

Fourth of July

katherine — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 05:38:58 +0000

Makus

katherine — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 14:00:05 +0000

This is my older brother Mark. Isn’t he cute! He still wears that shock wave t-shirt. And he wears his hats the same way, it’s good for his hair, which is totally NOT getting gray in it. Just kidding. He is a very wonderful person; he’s hardworking and kind, and today happens to be his birthday. He’s a real cute kid don’t you think? (He’s not to shabby as an adult either). I was hoping to embarrass him by writing this, but I’m pretty sure he may not read this. In the event that you do read this, Happy Birthday. Love you Mark.