it takes a village

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A couple months back I received a text. David Bazan was playing in the background and adding to my moodiness. I was tired and overwhelmed, working night shift and trying to figure out a way to cut back on work and get Owen in preschool instead of daycare. Then I received this text from my new mom friend, “Oh Man! It would be so awesome to have you in preschool. I can always help with pick ups and stuff, you know it takes a village.”

Well poke me in the eye and call me an idiot.  Tears are streaming down my face.  For the first time in my parenting life it has dawned on me; I am on an island, and I am drowning. Obviously we have chosen to live away from some pretty terrific grandparents, but it is not an intention to be far from them; we just love the city we live in. It’s not that we don’t have great friends, we do. It’s not that they aren’t helpful, they are. It has absolutely nothing to do with them. Except, come on people, can you please make some babies by now?

Truthfully, I think it has been me all along; afraid of asking for help and seeking out other mothers. I was afraid, or judgmental or proud or something that is difficult to name.  Maybe it was just the fatigue and exhaustion of raising small kids, kids that are now growing up and thankfully, the fog is lifting. I am getting involved in school. I am cutting back my hours at work, and most importantly, I am making myself talk to other mothers and make a connection. Fuck shyness. I’ll leave that for the birds.  Notably, not even the birds are shy here in Seattle. Touche birds, touche.

Overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness, I sat and cried for awhile.  So this is what it feels like to have support. Like you heart could burst with gratitude. Like you can manage all twelvehundredandfiftytwothousandtasksbeforeyou. At the time this happened Addy had a weekly soccer practice, but we couldn’t take her there, so our friends did. They are taking my kid home afterward, after a long day and letting her hang out there for over an hour, every single week. Maybe that’s not a big deal to some people, but it is a HUGE deal to me. I struggle with it every week; I feel guilty and I get anxious if I am 5 minutes late, which I always am. But really, I don’t think they mind, and they would do it for any kid. Because IT TAKES A VILLAGE. There is a saying for a reason. We need community in life and we need support and I am learning how to accept that and welcome it.

1 Comment

  • Yes!!! Wish I could village with you, but couldn’t make it here without friends helping each other out ALL the time. So glad you have found that.