On Dogs

It’s March 4th you know, and I sort of want a dog. Did I mention that currently I am eating an entire bag of popcorn and a king size kit kat.  I think this is a good thing, but I also think that it’s a very bad thing too.  Either way.  If you know me, which you do, you know that I don’t care for dogs much. I was raised in a strict cat household, so I learned that animals should stare at you with a slight look of disdain and contempt (maybe our cat was just mad that we didn’t name her. See I am a horrible pet owner, it’s genetic.)  Back to the dogs. Really I kinda almost hate them (gasp!).  The hair, the sniffing, the poop picking up, all of it. Obviously I was bit by a dog as a child, a great dane to boot.  Nobody told me, on my 7th birthday, that you aren’t supposed to pet dogs while they eat. Where is the dog rule book?? I kinda like this idea of biting. Next time I’m eating and someone interrupts me I will just bite them.  Sorry Addy and Owen, mama needs to eat. Chomp Chomp. I’ve never been one to like sharing food anyway.  In some ways I can empathize with the dane.  I would have done the same thing she did.

So WHY would I want a dog? I really have no idea.

But I do!  Every run I go on, I think and sigh, “wouldn’t it be grand to be running with my dog?”  I actually don’t use the word grand though. Then there’s the crumbs.  My god the crumbs!  Just imagine how much less sweeping I would do.  We could cuddle up on the couch together, except he would never be allowed on the couch.  See I’m crazy. Maybe its like a reverse baby fever. I know that I don’t want to have baby fever, so instead I have dog fever? Or maybe I just want one more thing to get pissed at, which even as I type that I am horrified at the small truth. Either way, I need help.  Serious help.  Or maybe I just need a dog. Or a therapist. OR a dog that is a therapist.  Now we’re talking.

A couple questions.

How is it possible that I can eat an entire bag of popcorn so fast?

Why is the kit kat so good?

How is it that I cry at every episode of Parenthood?

Get back to me if you figure out any of these questions.  Just follow the popcorn kernels to find me.

3 comments

  • They will NOT go running with you, but shi-tzu’s are the best dogs ever. Keep their hair short and no shedding. No barking. And, their poop is small enough to get eaten by the lawnmower. And they basically have the disposition of cats. But they don’t smell. Like cats.

  • 1. Thank you for returning to your blog
    2. Don’t get a dog
    3. I love you
    4. I miss you already
    5. My kids are still talking about Aunt Kafrine