I have read or talked to friends lately where they voiced feelings of parental failure or apologized to me for their kid acting up. Mind you these are cream-of-the-crop-GOOD parents. I know this is completely natural and I have felt the same feelings a time or two. Nevertheless, over the last few weeks I have been doing some thinking, and I have a response.
Insert response: WHEN DID THE STANDARD REQUIRE PERFECTION???
I would like to be the voice of reason that it can’t be. Sometimes I yell at my kids, ignore them, or god forbid, deprive them of food after being asked for a snack seventeen hundred times (even though she probably really IS hungry). The truth is — I don’t feel that bad about it. My children are happy, healthy and loved. Surely I can work on being patient, but we all have our limits and it is nearly impossible to NOT get riled up after being nagged for something for 2 hours. Sorry Mr. Love and Logic man, it’s just not as simple as your book claims. Parenting is HARD. Mistakes are part of the package, I wouldn’t even call them mistakes. Collectively, our kids will be just fine having been ignored for 15 minutes or put in front of the t.v. all morning because you are vomiting from morning sickness. This is life. Life is not sickly sweet and perfect. Obviously there is a standard of harm, but that isn’t what’s up for debate. I’m talking about good parents feeling bad for being utterly human and normal. I appreciated this article I read in the NY Times and felt myself akin to the author’s sentiments. Have a peek. Shared thoughts welcomed. Grab a beer or ask Addy to, she’s a gem at fetching beers.
Addy is definitely feelin’ my vibe.
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A few thoughts from a non-mother. First, I love your style of rearing. Second, would you recommend reading any parenting books or will they just begin/feed the guilt you speak of? Lastly, I get really nervous that I will resent my children for needing care, like how I feel towards animals and household plants. Will this go away when I have a wittle one of my own? Hearts, CMD
1. Hmm. I have a flexible “no reading parenting books” policy right now. They only incite guilt for me. 2. Also, sometimes I do resent my kids. They are taxing and make accomplishing anything difficult, but they are amazing and I love them. 3. I REALLY don’t like animals either -don’t let that be your indicator. 4. You will be a good mother CMD. A very good mother. Love you.
Oh Kat! You are my breath of fresh air! I am everything that the article says is wrong and it makes me laugh. I need to take a deep breath myself and figure out how to chill out. But that will be a challenge since I was born a high strong over achiever…not really achieving much right now though.YUCKY! Hopefully I don’t screw my kid up while I am figuring it all out:)
P.S. I don’t read parenting books though because they make you overthink even more than you already do as a mom.
Kat, I completely agree! Like yesterday, when Kendrick decided to throw a 2 year old tantrum on the 105 degree pavement in the starbucks parking lot. You better believe I grabbed his little arm and gently “tossed” him into his seat
Oh, I love being a mom!!!
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