It feels so difficult to find the time to sit and write. I feel like I have 12 million things to do now, although I am not sure why. Amidst my chaos I have many thoughts flitting about in my head. Some of my recurring thoughts are these…
*should I go to church
*how much I like beer now. particularly blue moon. especially with a plump slice of orange in it.
*can I really make it in to med school
*how thankful that I am to be un-pregnant
*owen sleeping through the night
*finding a new interest or cause
*what to do with my life
*getting older
*how do I reconcile all the shit that happens to people in life, particularly illness which confronts me on a daily basis
*how or when can I get a sexy job overseas
*should i get a compost bin from the city - can i really fill that large of a bin?
*missing fleet foxes
Ugh. I think as time continues to race by I have a deep and almost fearful need to make my life meaningful. I want to be a person of purpose and thoughtfulness. Yet I am often just floating day to day thinking mostly of myself. Worrying about if my house is clean (which it is not). Worrying about money, or the lack of it. I guess I have to decide what is important in life and define “meaningful.” Maybe that is what life is about — redirecting oneself towards meaning and purpose. It is so easy to get misguided. I also just finished reading Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and it was exhaustingly sad. Then I sat down to write.
{ 4 comments }
you know you are OCD when you edit your blog post 4 times. first I numbered my points, but I numbered them wrong. Then I changed the numbers to be correct. Then I didn’t like the numbers so I went with the asterisk. Much better choice. I’m crazy.
you can get into med school.
Great questions. My mind is often filled with the same thoughts, feelings, woes, and burdens. Its crazy to even try to make sense of it all, huh? Days come and go quicker than I can comprehend, and by the end of the week I wonder if I even did anything with my life at all. Although taking care of patients, kids, or whatever else- it feels like there has to be time left over to do something for the greater cause…but lo and behold- that never happens. Wah-wah. I’m with you.
And med school! You must be crazy. Not really- I am proud that you can even think of heading that direction. I’m lucky if I can brush my teeth twice a day, the though of focusing and studying is out of of realm. Sounds awesome though- and yes I am sure you can get in.
Sorry. That was too long of a comment.
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